Sunday, November 2, 2008

Oh Hallow's Eve

My Halloween was an exciting one. My friend and I decided to go rent a scary movie. I wanted to rent something that was actually scary, but my friend revealed herself as a scary movie wuss. She did, however, say she was a big fan of the ever popular killer bee genre, which led her to choose a little known movie called Killer Buzz. So we watched it.
So in the movie, everyone in the world has agreed to build a road through the rainforest. Everyone is really happy about it because it somehow solves global warming. Everyone, that is, except the natives. The natives seem to be pretty angry about the whole thing, so they sneak up sneakily on the construction and start shooting flaming arrows, as natives tend to do. So begins the first of many shoot 'em ups that the movie seems to think happen often in the jungle. One of the naughty natives gets hold of a gun and hits a man in the forehead from 100 feet. Another one jumps in a tractor and reveals himself to be a tractor driving pro. Both impressive instances, considering neither man had ever seen a gun or a tractor before. Anyway, they both get shot and some more people get shot and a building blows up and another building blows up. And then the same indian doing a flip after an explosion goes off behind him shot is used three times.
Anyway, the smoke clears and there is a lot of carnage on both sides.
An intrepid lady british reporter who was present during all of this action decides that this is going to make a good story. So she grabs her cameraman and sets off into the jungle, in the middle of the night.
"What are you looking for?" he asks.
"I don't know"
"Well, where are you going to find it?"
"I'm not sure..."
They continue marching when, suddenly, some jeeps start chasing them. While the cameraman simply hides in some bushes, our reporter decides to fall off a cliff and continue to run after she lands. So the cars find her again and she ends up getting shot and this swarm of bees descend upon her and everything goes black. I lost patience at this point, but I'll summarize the rest because I'm sure y'all want to know how it ends. The reporter lives (thank goodness) and her estranged husband is nice enough to come see her in this distant hospital, but all she can talk about is how he doesn't want to have kids. So the husband peaces out on a commercial flight to New York with, like, ten people on it. The passengers include an elderly couple, a yelling guy, a nervous looking Asian woman, and a black guy. There are also two teenage girls on the flight, one of which spurs the advances of an unfortunate looking nerd boy.
"What do women want?" the boy asks the husband.
"Kid, when you figure that out, you tell me."
Anway, back in the rainforest, the reporter figures out that the army has engineered super-bees to kill off all the pesky natives that stand in their way. But something goes wrong as a selfish doctor finds a case of these bees and decides he can make some mad cash off of them. So he steals the case and happens to catch the same plane that the husband is on. The bees get loose, and zaniness ensues.
So passes an hour of endless blown up villages, bleeding eyeballs, guys hanging out of open doors of airplanes, and stock footage from Vietman. The bees are stopped and humanity is saved. Also, the reporter and her husband get back together and stroll off into the jungle.
I didn't pay for it.
Click here for a trailer.