Damascus

Oh I'm so happy to be home for the holidays after that tough semester now I can rest and sleep in till 10 and all that kind of stuff I wonder how my friend Damascus is doing I haven't seen her for a while I'll just go downstairs and OH MY WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Molted.

Don't worry, she survived.

Christmas is Coming...

The film department offered a $1,000 prize for the best department Christmas card design...

Concept my me, art by Sarah.  I think we have a good chance of winning.

Bonus points if you can see the erased outline of Santa.  He's the best ladder spotter around.

A Cautionary Tale.

My roommate, Mary, has a friend who somehow got a bunch of tickets to the Sunday afternoon session of general conference.  He invited her and told her she could bring a friend.  I was chosen to be that friend.  Huzzah.  So, after I came back from the first-session-breakfast-casserole party at my aunt's house, we left to drive up to Salt Lake.  Mary and her friend, Tolson, were in the front.  I was in the back with two of Tolson's female friends whose names escape me now.  Things were going as well as an awkward car ride with strangers can be expected to go.  However, as we were passing American Fork, I felt a familiar sensation coming on. 

In case you didn't know, I don't have the strongest stomach when it comes to motion.  Or existing, for that matter.  I'm always nauseous in the morning.  Car rides are a nightmare.  I can't go on swing sets.  Roller coasters are not an option.  Even shaking my head semi-vigorously is not an option.  I'm convinced that I'm missing something in my inner ear.  Heaven forbid I ever get pregnant.

Anyway, that familiar nauseating feeling set in near American Fork.  At this point, we still had about 30 minutes left in the car.  I didn't want to draw attention to myself by asking to switch seats or anything, so I started settling in for the long haul.  I am, after all, a pro at this kind of thing.  I leaned back, focused on the horizon, breathed deeply, applied pressure to my inner wrist, tried not to think about bacon, etc.  I was uncomfortable, but I felt like everything was under control.  

Time passed.  We entered South Salt Lake.  I felt my handle on the situation starting to slip.  'But we're so close,' I thought, 'I can make it'.  A few minutes later, I felt something start to come up.  It became clear that I probably wasn't going to make it.  I reluctantly began to ask Tolson if he had a bag in his car when I was stopped short.  My mouth had suddenly become occupied with something else.  I attempted to keep as calm as it is possible to be when one's mouth is full of vomit.  I looked around for somewhere to vacate the contents of my mouth without anybody noticing.  I briefly considered swallowing, but that thought was interrupted by a second wave from my distressed stomach.  I gave up all hope of being inconspicuous as I started throwing up on the floor of the car.

The conversation in the car turned into a shocked silence as emission after emission (6, by my count) issued from the depths.  I attempted to mutter my fervent apologies between streams, but was interrupted every time.  As I was barfing, I noticed that this had to be one of the most productive vomit sessions I'd ever participated in.  I think at one point Mary asked me slightly incredulously if I was finished.  I also noticed that that aforementioned breakfast casserole didn't look nearly as appetizing the second time around. 

I finished and kept my head down until we pulled into a gas station.  I started to put my shoes on, but stopped when I noticed that they were full of barf.  So, I ran in to the gas station bathroom barefoot, green-skinned, and covered in puke. 

I locked the door and walked around in circles like an insane person, cursing myself for not at least attempting to stick my head out the window.  As I came to realize that this wasn't a nightmare, I began to convince myself that I was going to stay in the gas station until everyone left and just ride the bus home.  I figured I'd fit right in on the bus.  At that point, Mary came in the bathroom and informed that I had to hurry because we were still going to conference whether I liked it or not.  She brought a giant t-shirt from Tolson's trunk and helped me wash out my (brand new!) skirt.  

Once back in the car, Mary tried bravely to lighten the mood with some barf-related jokes, but the damage was done.  The girls in the back were practically sitting on top of each other in an attempt to get away from me.  Due to my light-headedness and the faint odor of bile, conference was less than enjoyable.  I'm not even going to talk about the smell that awaited us when we got back to the car.

Casualties: My shirt, my Toms (curses!), and my dignity.  

Props to Mary, who cleaned out the car while I was having a break down in the bathroom and attempted to come up with her own embarrassing story to make me feel better.  A true champ.  Even though her embarrassing story couldn't even begin to eclipse mine.

Leviathan

BYU Police Beat

Excerpts from the Daily Universe police beat:

A female student in her 50s had an issue with the University.  Police showed on the scene and told her it was not OK to yell and scream about it.

A call reported a person lying on the grass on the north end of the Conference Center. When police arrived the person was gone.

A man was reported trespassing on LaVell Edwards Stadium. When police arrived, they found the man was a worker at the stadium.

Officers responded to a report of a person in a gorilla suit at the JSB. The investigation
resulted in the arrest of a 15-year-old visitor for disorderly conduct.

A student reported a group of students picking up a car and moving it to a different parking stall. Police spoke with the owner of the car, who moved it back. There was no damage to the car.

A female student reported a male student showing his bare buttocks out the window of a car on East Campus Drive. An investigation is continuing.

Trespassing was reported at LaVell Edwards Stadium. When an officer arrived, she found it was just the sprinkling system.

A male was reported urinating in a cup outside of the SWKT. The male was stopped and identified. The complainant and victims chose not to press charges. The male was warned not to repeat this action in public again.

Campus Police received a call at 7 a.m. saying a bat was flying around in the Wilkinson Center. An officer was dispatched, who then opened a door, and the bat flew out. 

Four males were reported attempting to catch ducks at the botany pond. The four males were asked to leave by police.

BYU officers responded to a report of a car playing music loudly from its speakers in a parking lot. The officers found students dancing by the vehicle. They were asked to turn down the music. The students complied and left the area.

An officer witnessed a male suspect kick one of the light posts on campus, causing it to go out. When the officer confronted the male, he apologized. Luckily, the light came back on and the male’s frustration didn’t damage the post seriously.

A caller with a Jamaican accent made a call to the police department trying to reach basketball coach Dave Rose. He wanted to inform the coach that he won a contest and to receive his prize he simply had to send them a cashier’s check. Being familiar with the scam, the officer told him to stop calling; the caller was persistent and continued his calls. By coincidence, the coach was in the office during one of his calls and told the secretary to give the caller his number. The coach then took care of the problem by blowing a very loud whistle into the mouthpiece. The caller has not called back since.

A Joke

Courtesy of Sonya, my Korean roommate:

"So, okay.  This doctor has these pipes that break or something, so he calls a plumber.  The plumber comes and fixes the pipes, you know?  The doctor asks to the plumber, 'So, you make pretty good money right?'  The plumber says, 'Yeah it's pretty good.'  Then the doctor says, 'Yeah I wish I was a plumber.'  And so the plumber says, 'Yeah, cause I used to be a doctor!'  Funny, right?"

What I Did This Summer.

3 trips to California
+
1 trip to Alberta
+
1 trip to Poland
=
Approximately:
97 hours in a car
28 hours in a plane
18384 miles traveled.
And some deep vein thrombosis.

Grandpa brings back dinner:













He caught it himself.

Vimeo

I'm using this post to announce the launch of my Vimeo account. I am a film student, after all. I'm starting with a film I made last year about my friend Annie. I was going to use it for something, but then I didn't. So here it is. Watch if you feel like it.

I'm planning on posting videos somewhat regularly, although if the frequency of my blog posts are any indication, you probably don't have much to look forward to.

If you want more of Annie, I recommend this video. Lots of first-rate cross-dressing and bad wigs.

Wolverine Has A Moment

Sledding

Below is a diagram of a sled run that took place somewhere where I probably shouldn't have been sledding anyway: (click if you don't have 20/20 vision)
















No more sledding with you, Mary.