Friday, September 19, 2008

Senior Pictures

So my mother set up an appointment to get me some senior pictures. I made her do it now so my glorious tan could be documented for the ages. Now, I have to admit that I'm not the most natural of photo subjects. Most of my school pictures are a unflattering combination of "just been tranquilized" eyes and "Someone has a knife to my back" smiles. So I was a little uncomfortable posing for these pictures. I was also worried that my posterity would look at them and say "WE DESCENDED FROM THAT?"
The photographer man was nice enough. The poses weren't that bad, although one of them made me feel like a cross between Miss America and Long John Silver. Picture that.
So, half an hour and one outfit change later, I was finished. This was my mother's favorite:

And this is me melting:

And this is me stuck in a cosmic whirlpool:

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

My Summer Job

Last summer i worked as a lifeguard at Seven Peaks Water Park. Every one told me that it was THE BEST JOB EVER and that I WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN. Turns out sitting in the sun all day and sweating your brains out is not the best job ever. So i didn't have very much fun that summer, which makes my decision to go back this year even more baffling. It was every bit as horrible as the previous year. The management was just as bad and the pay was just as low (as it turns out, you can get away with paying your employees under minimum wage when it's only a seasonal job).
You sort of end up hating humanity after watching the kind of people that frequent a water park. One exceptional fellow was lounging in the wave pool exchanging "pleasantries" with his girlfriend when his nipple piercing got caught on something and ripped his nipple off. All the way off. Luckily, he was able to salvage the lost piece of flesh so everyone in fist aid could see. I was disturbed.
You also sort of end up hating children after one rotation enforcing rules in the kids pool. One delightful child came up to me four separate times to ask me if i was a boy. I smiled and discreetly kicked him in the teeth.
The children often enjoy giving the lifeguard on duty high fives. I do not enjoy this practice, mostly because when children swim they have more snot running out of their faces than I thought was humanly possible. They then wipe they're noses with their hands and extend them expectantly. I flash them a smile that I imagine comes across as taunting and keep walking. Their parents then flash me a look that comes across as pissed off and go to complain to someone.
Oh course, there are perks. Like when the delightful radio disney talent comes and performs their high school musical dance routines in an effort to brainwash all of the patrons of the park. Okay, that isn't a perk, but at least everyone present feels a sense of unifying hatred for those shameless minions of the devil who smile too much.
I could go on about the cons and cons of each attraction, but I won't. Just know that Satan's Peaks Water Park is not all it's cracked up to be.